missed it again - guest post

While I'm out on a much needed vacation to St. Thomas, I've asked my most talented sister to guest post for me. I'll be thinking of ya'll as I'm sitting naked on the beach with my feet in the sand and a beer in my hand.

Ya'll treat her right or when I get back we will need to have a talk ;)

Here's Tootsie:

Missed It Again

I’ll be the first to admit that I am truly demented.

When I see a border-line category 3 hurricane two-thirds the size of the Gulf of Mexico making a bee line for the Texas coast, just like everyone else, I react in utter horror thinking of the potential loss in life and property. . . .sigh. . . Did I say I’m a liar, too? (Standing up) My name is Tootsie, and I’m a natural disaster junkie.

When my family and I moved to Houston from Austin in 2005, I was ecstatic. 95% of my joy was from getting away from Austin traffic and environmental elitists, and the rest of my twisted self just wanted to be in a hurricane. FINALLY my chance had come! My husband moved before the rest of us did, right before Rita—the category-3 Katrina wanna-be. Guess what I made him do? I’m ashamed. (Standing up) My name is Tootsie, and I made my husband take a 21-hour trek from Houston to Austin to miss the event of his life . . . which ended up not hitting Houston anyway.

He hasn’t let me forget it.

Two years went by in Houston, and we finally got lucky. I was so excited I couldn’t stand it. I was working at an elementary school, and an announcement came over the intercom. The principal told everyone that we were getting out early due to the hurricane that was expected to hit later that evening. What?! WHAT???!!!

Hurricane Humberto had developed off the coast of Texas over the course of just a few hours and was headed straight for Houston. YES!!!! Just a cat 1. But hey, I’m easy to please. Bring it on!!!

I run home, turn on the TV, and wait. And wait. And wait. Nothing. Humberto turned just slightly right and GRAZED Houston. GRAZED us. Not even a drop of water. Not even a leaf blew across my doorstep. I moped for a week.

About two months ago we moved to San Antonio. Mother Nature made real sure we were good and gone before she brought on Ike. Missed it again.

I was on the phone with my best friend, who lives in Houston, for a good part of the night while Ike tore through the city. As the winds started to pick up pretty heavy, I asked her if she was freaking out yet. She replied, “Are you kidding? I’ve been waiting all day for this!” Me too—she and I are two of a kind. I lived vicariously through her on the phone all night. Sadly, that’s probably as close as I’ll ever get to a hurricane.

For the record, as disappointed as I am that Ike turned out to be so boring (i.e. that Galveston is not the new Atlantis), I am glad that those 2000+ idiots who stayed on the island facing “imminent death” are still alive to talk about it. Although, if Ike had fulfilled its potential, the gene pool would have about 2000 fewer idiots in its mix, media included. Did anyone see Geraldo reporting that night? Gracious, that idiot would have been the first to go.

But honestly, if I were a reporter for the Weather Channel, I probably would have been right there front and center. “Back to you, Jim Cantori.”