Friday, October 17, 2008

top 5 things I'll burn in hell for - #4

Next in the top 5 series of crap I'll burn in hell for... I now come clean on #4:

I shot bottles off the head of strangers as they walked by.

As a kid I lived in Johannesburg, South Africa (this was during the un-plugged apartheid version of South Africa during the mid 70's). My dad says he was an electrical engineer who was there to setup TV, but we know it was actually because he was in the CIA and he still won't come clean on that. My little brother was born there, I call him my African American brother.

Since my dad was there to setup a TV station (yea, right), that meant they didn't have TV there in the mid 70's. No Brady Bunch, no Gilligan's Island... nada.

So what does a kid do if they can't soak their brain with TV for 8 hours a day? Hone their shooting skills of course. Skills that would come in handy for me later in life, but that's a different story.

I had a friend who lived across the street, we'll call him Trevor (cause that was his name). Trevor had access to a pellet gun, which by itself was a bad thing because in today's world Trevor would be in a special school riding the short bus. Let's just say Trevor was a few cards short of full deck. No, let's just say Trevor was full-on batshit crazy. We got along great.

Women in South Africa at the time (and I guess even today) carried crap on their head. I don't know how this got started but I'm sure it had something to do with that clicking sound they made when they talked. When I say they carried crap, I mean they carried all kinds of things on their head - including empty bottles which I assume they were taking back to the store for a refund. The perfect target in my 9 year old mind.

Trevor and I had setup a little snipers nest in the backyard of a house a few doors down that had a perfect view on the main street and we would wait for our targets to appear.

After waiting in silence with a fully loaded, cocked and ready pellet gun, our target would appear - a women walking with several bottles on her head not more than 30 feet from us. Shhh, be veddy, veddy quiet...

POP... WHAM.... CRASH.... SCREAM...

Before you judge, consider the skill required to hit a moving target on the top of someone's head with a pellet gun. Also consider the skill to run like hell afterwards to escape the wrath of a lady who was screaming like a banshee, that is if a banshee made clicking noises when they talked.

One lesson learned from this activity, wait a little bit to ensure the target wasn't being escorted by a guy. The odds of escape after the shot is much less if this is the case.

Temperature for shooting crap off people's head - an additional 10K degrees and a container of propane.

Tomorrow is #3 - the time I almost killed a friend of mine.

They shoot crap off your head over at HumorBloggers.com - give 'em a try.

8 comments:

Heinous said...

That is great. In a crap-you-pulled-as-a-youngster kind of way. You can work off that infraction in no time though.

Deb said...

OK - this is better than yesterday's...and much funnier! Because you did this as a 9-year-old, you are saved, sort of. You'll be in the cheap seats. Let's see if the next post moves you closer to the front row.


The Mouse Hunter

dadthedude said...

Heinous - I agree, I should be able to work this off before my skin peels. If I had been a crappy shot it would have got me some more time in the fryer.

Deb - whew! The next one I did as a certified adult and it almost cost me a freind.. like literally almost cost me a friend.

Thanks mouse hunter

PlancksPost said...

The clicks were Morse Code for "As soon as your dad get's done installing our "cable", we're coming for you boy!"
Little did you know that Trevor was actually the worlds youngest CIA agent and he was training you for your future assignments on the front line.

AngieSS said...

You're absolutely right-- you are going to Hell! hahaha

And here I didn't think anyone was more awful than me as a child. I stand corrected. :)

Chat Blanc said...

hahaha! youse were naughty little gunman! :)

dadthedude said...

planckspost - dude, Trevor was way too crazy even for the CIA. I think the lack of TV until the late 70's got to his brain. Then again he did pull a knife on me once...

angiess - ah, now I wasn't that bad. I had to grow into being awful.

Chat - I SO wish that was the first time someone said that to me.

Bill said...

Only redeeming fact - you were nine. This was BAD. Women struggle over there, and men mostly watch.