Thursday, October 16, 2008

top 5 things I'll burn in hell for

Sorry guys, been underwater for a bit but I did a few safety stops to make sure I didn't get the bends and now I'm back on the surface (for all you non divers out there... sorry). I'm back

I've been thinking about some of the things I've done in the past (and now...) that will cause them to turn up the heat a little bit in hell upon my arrival. Yea, I know there are supposed to be 2 options on where you go and the other one can even include like 70 virgins if you change your name to Mohammad, but I have a t-shirt that says Marines don't die, we just go to hell to regroup - so I'm going with that and if it gets better so be it.

Top 5 things I'll burn in hell for - #5: Jacking with my grandmother.

My grandmother sends me pepper about once a month. It's not some kinda special pepper, I'm talking about plain ole ground black pepper. The kind you can find at a gas station or get in a little package from Sonic.

Why would she do that? Because she knows I like pepper and maybe at one point I told her we can't get that type of pepper here in Texas. Ok, fine. The truth is I tell her each time she sends it that we still can't get it here even though she gets it from WalMart and there is a WalMart about .2 miles from my front door.

So, every month or so I get a specially wrapped package from Oklahoma with a very large container of black pepper. Our spice cabinet now contains enough black pepper to last us a few years but I can't stop. I'm expecting another soon and I've already cleared out a little spot for it.

Temperature increase for jacking with a nice old lady - an additional 5K degrees and a cup of gasoline.

Tomorrow's top 5: # 4 - I used to shot bottles off of the head of strangers as they walked by.

Great to be back in the real world - I missed ya'll.


13 comments:

Deb said...

You think you are going to burn in Hell for THAT? You are giving granny a purpose in life, a mission even! Cross that one off your list and let's get to the front-row in Hell deserving stuff.

ReformingGeek said...

Glad you're not in the decompression chamber. I'm with Deb. Let's get to the good stuff like we all know that you put the butt paste on that poor child's head just so you could get that pictures ;-)

Dan Brantley said...

Dad Dude (Can I call you Dad?... Dude?) anyway. Maybe this is a sign you need to join the PepperJam Ad network. Just a thought. It isn't good to ignore those signs you know.

Beth Anne said...

LOL....at least you aren't selling them on ebay!

just a girl... said...

oh man I would so sell them on ebay. Just to see what happened.

dadthedude said...

deb - always calling me out, you mouse hunter.... I'm not so sure it gives her a purpose since she can't really walk any more. Well, maybe...

Geek - not saying you are going to get the REALLY good stuff... but I do have some that I'll come clean on since I can't be held legally to some of those any longer. Unsure about the international issue I caused.

Dan - call me dude, my 7 year old has no problem with it.... is there really a Pepper network?

Beth - hmmm... ebay....

Just a girl - I dunno, I think Beth may have hit on something there. btw - I'm just a boy.

PlancksPost said...

So let's get this straight, he's using granny's Social Security for his own pepper eBay business and you don't think he should burn in hell...?
Sad thing Dude is your going to hell either way...either you're wasting granny's limited income or your taking away one of her simple pleasures....I'll see you there.

PlancksPost said...

I think I missed a few words between sips of Crown, but you get the point.

DJane said...

Poor Granny... LOL Found your blog through, well to be honest I can't really remember. But found it!

dadthedude said...

PlancksPost - dude, we are going to party like hell... in hell..

PlancksPost - ditto

djane - I don't know how you got here either but I'm sure glad you showed up. Did you bring the Shiner?

LiteralDan said...

That's funny-- even if she buys the story that you can't get black pepper for some reason, how fast does she think you could possibly go through one container of pepper?

I believe ours is several years old.

dadthedude said...

literaldan - I've somehow convinced her that each time she sends it is just in the nick of time when we are running out. I like pepper and I could never use this much!

Bill said...

I can relate. When I was young, I made the mistake of telling an old aunt I visited every Sunday that I loved her lemon pie. Well I ate lemon pie every Sunday after that till I was beyond sick at the thought, but kept on eating.